WARNING: Get Off the Road!!

Well, the day has arrived. The day I have been dreading for a while. The day my 16 year old daughter got her license. It's hard to put in words the feelings I had after she passed her test and then drove her Jeep back to school (which is 35 miles away). Have you ever had a dream where you had something in your hand that you longed for? And in that moment between wake and sleep you thought in your dream that if you woke up that object would be in your hand? And then you wake up to the disappointment you feel when the object isn't there? Well, that's kind of how I felt. Stef in her fashionable shades driving off, alone....without me...her mother to protect her. I had a similar feeling when she went off to kindergarten. I stood at the door of her classroom and tried to hold back the emotions that were welling up inside me. And my little 5 year old said, "Mom, I'll be alright...you can go now." I cried the whole way home. And now it seems like only yesterday when she was off to kindergarten and it'll be like only tomorrow when she'll be heading off to college.....away from my watchful eye. And yet....she's a good kid....no...she's a great kid and I know that she's ready for the big world. And her guardian angels will be there just as the Lord promises..."I will command my angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways." And, I'm sure that promise is for me, too. It's another stage in my life....I'll learn to embrace it as I have others and I will be okay.....

You may just want to get off the road....lol

An Update

Sorry to have left you hanging about my father-in-law. It's been a slow week or so it seems. My father-in-law was admitted to the hospital after going in to the ER with the high fever and rectal abscess. It wasn't pretty....they lanced the abscess (which was the size of a grapefruit---sorry to be graphic--it's part of my nature) and then the infection spread. I heard the surgeon say, "forneaze gangrene"---or atleast that's how I sounded it out as I was taking notes. Upon further research (thank goodness for web md) it was really Fournier Gangrene (named after the discoverer of the condition) and I was horrified to read about it and look at the pictures after the debridement of the dead tissue. It didn't look promising for my father-in-law. However, prayer is powerful and at the skill of the surgeon's hand they cleaned out the dead tissue (now my FIL has a hole in his buttocks area that I can put my fist in which has to be packed with gauze---miles of gauze, it seems--twice a day) and eased the distention in his intestines. My FIL was so filled with gas because of the infection that he looked 9 months pregnant and they were fearful his bowel might rupture which would have killed him.

I saw my mother-in-law stand over her husband of 48 years and it, all too quickly, brought back visions of my mother just a few months ago. I didn't like reliving it and yet I was thankful that I was at my MIL's side as the surgeon was explaining options. The dementia, it seems, is a blessing because my FIL's cognitive ability doesn't recognize pain. He should have been in INTENSE pain and yet he was so peaceful....that is a blessing. He has been on massive amounts of antibiotics for that past several days and is responding....it's amazing. It looks like they'll move him back to his assisted living home with the help of hospice nurses. They think he'll be bedridden for quite some time. So he has an airflow mattress to prevent bedsores and constant care. He is eating pureed foods but his ability to swallow is declining due to the dementia.

My son, Jake said a few weeks ago..."You know, Mom...I figured it out...when you're born you need to people to change your diapers and care for you and when you die you need the same." What wisdom from an almost 12 year old.

So if you could....keep my FIL in your prayers....thanks a MILLION!!

What Gems

Forgot to post these photos from Christmas. Actually, the one of Stef and Jake was taken by Stef. I found it in her folders of "Special Pictures" (that was heart-warming). The one of Jake is him holding the knife he got from Uncle David and Aunt Ruthie. (More, I think, from Uncle David because of the note that was enclosed with the gift). It made me laugh out loud. It said something like he didn't want to hear anything about any emergency room visits or "mishaps" with the knife. Jake was elated to receive it and already talked about the big buck he would gutt with it.....yuck.....

And the other photo is of my father-in-law on Christmas day. We placed a plate of Christmas cookies in front of him and he looked joyful. I'm sure I'll have several posts regarding him in the months ahead. He's not doing well. He has frontal lobe dementia and is deteriorating very fast. He's at a care facility but was able to come home on Christmas day. He doesn't speak and is now moved around with a wheel chair. Ah, the lessons we learn as we care for those we love. My mother-in-law called today and said he has a 103 degree fever and a rectal abscess.....she sounded weary....I just listened. Hospice is helping out with Dad and since he can't talk it's sometimes difficult to know what hurts and how he's feeling......We continue to pray. Scott's Mom says she must confuse God because every morning she asks God to take him quickly home and every evening she thanks God for allowing her to have him here one more day. I'm sure God can discern her groanings. He always does.

Let the Festivites End

Can't believe I haven't entered anything since Thanksgiving. But, then again, I can. The holiday season was hectic yet blessed. It started by having the troops here for Thanksgiving, then a holiday gathering with friends in early December, and it ended last night with a troop (12) of teenagers here to celebrate and bring in the New Year 2007. They had a blast.....I think. It looked like it anyhow. It started at 5 pm...I fed them and then we went to church at 7 pm (took up 2 pews), then we went to the local skating rink until 11 pm, then back home for pizzas and brought in the New Year with a bang. Then all the teenagers got a second wind and stayed up and watched movies until about 6 am. The boys stayed downstairs and the girls were all upstairs and Scott or I (we took shifts) were in between. I heard lots of laughter and pure teenage fun going on. The neatest thing was how they included Stef's "little" brother Jake in the fun. I never once heard Stef tell him to get out of their space.....that was priceless to me.

I feel very blessed that Stef has the friends she has. They are thoughtful, polite, kind and most of all neat Christian kids. It was fun to see and get to know more the kids my daughter hangs out with and to watch them have a blast bringing in the New Year together. Hope you had a blessed New Year's eve and hope you're looking forward to 2007 with wonder and awe.